you never appreciate the value of something till you no longer have it. be it an emotion, a luxury or a person in your life. i yearn to share a tale about a leap i hesitated to make. a second guess i took before diving into unsteady waters. why? because i was stupid enough to stray from the path of my heart. you’ll only understand how much they’ve made your world a better place in their prolonged absence that follows. a regrettable void that leaves you awake five minutes longer every passing night, being the cause and a frequent visitor to your subconscious state of mind.
state of mind, you’ve got me tangled in one of those. from every memory that i cherish of us to all the times i’ve treated you in ways that were undeserving. guess that’s something over nothing. she came into my life at my lowest, uninvited yet so mysteriously welcoming. it was as if the universe hurled me a rope to help my own self climb out, my escape. your palm felt soft, i held on a little longer than i should’ve. here’s to a lot more of those, a little time to feel alive. maybe all i needed was more time to get it right.
“she wasn’t asking for much, she was asking the wrong motherfucker”. it was idiotic of me to not perceive the signs, i shunned away the advices i was offered for they posed nothing more than empty opinions to my mind. the considerable weight that “i should’ve listened” carries has been our beloved companion since childhood. our parents, our friends, our lovers. whom did we really listen to but ourselves? awaiting someone that never took a chance with his heart, that’s what she did.
she was a timepiece that helped me forget time, not be reminded of it. the desiring smell of your favourite cuisine, the gentleness of still water. she uplifted me but what did i offer in return? seldom a few good words and some closure. what did she deserve? everything i am. i wish i could lay here with you, and watch the world turn without saying a word. to hold you close, to reassure your happiness, to tell you everything is going to be alright.
i can’t compete against what she is now. its far too late in the night to call you. guess i’m staying up five more minutes tonight. i feel the distance, it’s grown a wedge between us. darling, i can give, but i cannot take love. fuck it, i’m feeling like a drum without a beat. but you used to dance so well to my rhythm.
