From the depths of my heart, these words form onto my fingertips. Intertwined with the subtle moments of delight we engaged in; I write to you a final time. You came into my life as a fellow traveler, one who walked the same path as I, yet far more gracefully than I could ever imagine. And in the commonalities that we seek for in others, regrettably - we occasionally find it in grief. And you are coddled by the statement that “they understand how you feel”. Such a bad idea to pursue the meaning behind it, nonetheless; here you stumble upon a piece of my mind. But somehow, I feel that it helped us stand stronger in our own paths as well. It gave me clarity. Fate did not have our names etched aside one another, and that’s not something that I can pray for now. Father time waits for no man and my shoes are far too worn, treading this path alone. And as I take a step back and dream at what our lives could’ve been, I lose logic. And in that dream walk, I assume the role of someone who has a perfect world; and that world does not deserve perfection in your absence.
What started as the most unexpected stroke of fortune in my life, it turned bittersweet fairly quickly. I did not get the ‘instruction manual’ which mentioned that I’ll have no way of knowing how long a bond would last. Because if I did, I’d clutch these dear moments more passionately. And here we all are, forming bonds with people in our respective lives without ever getting to know the expiration date, set by fate herself. Fast forward to the most exhilarating ‘getting to know someone’ phase I’ve been in – because it felt so familiar and at the same time – so very new. It’s like getting to meet two different faces of the same person. I have no other soul to blame than myself for letting you dive so deep into my thoughts. In spite of that, you seem to swim so beautifully in this ocean, that floats with all the memories I cherish of you.
The elders say that every time you achieve something you yearn for in life, it ceases to emerge in your dreams. Yet, there is one face that is a frequent visitor to my subconscious; yours. A ball of light that’s destined to gleam and let my shadows of doubts to fade. I feel sorrow for my severed heart, with the phantom pain still lingering. I haven’t seen you in so long, and I wonder where has the time gone. I’ve always had a feeling that it was going to be us against the world but now, and that we were meant to be. I’m just a solo traveler. I used to think that if I tried my best, I’d always win. Currently, things make me understand that perhaps – our names are written in the different chapters in the book of destiny. All I have left are these memories I adore and the moments we spent. All the times we danced under the fairy lights, laughing so wide that our eyes seldom stayed open. Your laughter still echoes in my mind, and it has never ceased to draw a smile onto my lips, even today.
It’s far too late to keep writing, even though these thoughts leave me awake. Accompanied by the gentle wind, sneaking in through my window to caress my face. I almost always wish it were your fingertips instead, holding me until the sun rise.
Alas, I wind back this cassette of broken dreams, only to play the tune once again another time. Reminiscing about the nights I’ve spent just staring into your beautiful brown eyes, gazing at two starts that are so bright. I know we will cross paths once again, my fellow traveler. Until then, I’ll be haunted by none other than the ghost of our past.
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